This love - hate - relationship...

You say you can't handle it
But there's no way to stop this now [...]
 Kick, scream call it quits
 But your just so full of it
cause it's too late, to close your mouth [...]
(Orianthi - Shut Up And Kiss Me)

Story time: when I started with the Grit series, I hated it.

I started out with Grit Plyo, because for one, it was something new, training explosive strength and agility. I also like jumping around. I'm not joking, I'm jumping a lot. And Grit Plyo was jumping on the next level. Didn't hurt that I really liked the instructor who made us jump. But HIIT is not for the faint of heart and it's... defo another, totally out there kind of exhausting. So, I hated it from the get go. Like, full-on hated it. But you're supposed to give workouts three to five tries before you decide if you like them or not. I tried to not be too judgemental. Hate. Hate. Wait...  I went the fourth time. Fifth. Sixth. And eventually I found myself telling my friends that "You gotta try this! It's the best thing ever!!!" What had happened?

The beauty that is Grit: I noticed changes, progress. I noticed how I could get in more reps after only two weeks. I felt better and...then there's the definitely wrongly coined "runner's high" when the feeling you have to puke ceases and the endorphins hit. So, I gave Grit Strength a go, too. Oh, and how I loathed it! From the bottom of my heart hated it, swore to never do it ever again. Well. Four weeks ago - exactly two years after my first shot at Plyo - was one of the greatest moments concerning progress so far; during Strength we did last summer's choreo. And I did not think about the weight I'd put on my smart bar, it was the weight I had been using for the newest release for the last few weeks. Until I realised: I did the whole choreo with 5kg (plus 3kg smart bar) more than last summer and yes, it was hard, but manageable. "This is my benchmark now" I don't like using expletives, but Fuck yeah!

Sounds sappy, but two years after I started doing Grit and completely hated it, it is now hard to imagine life without Grit. I've seen muscle definition and strength, rep count and agility increase and it's addictive. What I once thought to be the worst thing I had ever gone through, is now one of the highlights of my week. They should write a Hollywood romance about this hate-relationship turned love. ;)

So, if you ever get the chance to visit a Grit class, do it and don't judge it on the first go. :)

movie post: Mad Max: Fury Road

Oh, what a Fury Road it was, indeed! I was beyond impressed; a film about oppressed women reclaiming their right to bodily autonomy and self-determination without colouring every single male character as the enemy while still keeping its validity as an entertaining (and totally deranged) action flick (yes, there are still some issues, but humour me)! And as a balance to the female rights talk: Nicholas Hoult <3 (and Tom Hardy :3).

I liked the character of Nux, who - starting out as a firm believer in the system - began to question it the more he learned about the fate of the wives, and especially after realising they were actual people, persons. Charline Theron as Furiosa was a hero. More so than the movie's name sake Max. She was a loyal ally to the women who needed her. The wives fighting for their freedom and their right of self-determination, but also being afraid of the unknown future ahead and the old women who helped Furiosa, Max, Nux and the wives to reclaim what was rightfully theirs. Women in this movie are shown as nurturing (the seeds they carry with them will help regrow the plants), but fierce. Men are mostly displayed as a destructive force of nature, but Max and Nux are both shown as caring. Max is driven mad by visions of people he could not help. He is being dehumanized and used as a human blood bag against his will, only to reclaim his bodily autonomy, too, and deciding to sacrifice his blood to save Furiosa. Nux, first to be conceived as a headless, mindless follower, is being shown as cunning and clever. They are all great role models in one way or another. Multi-layered characters going through character developement (also note that the further the wives get from their oppressor (physically and psychologically) the more clothes they are wearing) are one of the many things that make this film entertaining. Also, to me one of the main points was the thing Max said when they want to run away as far as possible, something along the lines of "you can run a hundred days in this direction and will achieve nothing, or you can go back to where we came from and fight through one day. It will be hard, but at least that way we'll be able to... together... come across some kind of redemption." and "Hope is a mistake. If you don't fix what's broke, you'll go insane." I love how he is a "Face your problems and do something about them even if it's hard and will probably break you"-kind of guy.
The fact that it also has more epic car chases and action sequences than a "Fast and Furious"-flick and is more disturbed in some ways than a Tim Burton movie, make it interesting and entertaining to the last second. A unique blend of sometimes blunt, sometimes subtle social commentary and action that's really worth watching. Plus some really great actors and actresses. Loved it.

If I said I needed a break, would that suffice? Roadmap to what happened and what's next

Uff. It's been almost a year since I've last posted here and a lot has changed happened.

Last summer is a blur. I remember doing the math afterwards and my summer job amounted to twelve weeks, during which I had 10 days off, four of those I had on-call duty, though. In addition to that, I completed four summer tests for uni, so I would not have to take a jackload of courses come autumn. No wonder I felt so drained all the time.

Autumn brought with it the return to uni after my BA-degree and the immediate start of my MA-thesis. Since I don't do cliffhangers: I did it. With flying colours. Well, actually, I spent autumn taking about 15h worth of courses at uni, doing a 20h/week internship, working 10-15h/week and training for my first MMA competition between 10-15h/week (morning conditioning, evening technique). In hindsight, I don't know how I did it. Also, I moved to a new flat in September. I really don't know how I did not go totally bonkers last fall. Every minute of my day was planned. I'm not kidding you here, my time management game was up to par and well, the glorification of busy was just my thing.
My internship ended in December. I spent most of Christmas on my own and then flew to Frankfurt to see me mum. And after Christmas the real work began. I went to our gym's member/birthday party and off I was to Berlin to collect material for my MA-thesis. Because... I had not done anything for it all autumn, but told my professor I was making great progress (yeah, don't do that, I got my presentation date in early February thanks to that). So, Berlin. Back there, meeting friends and family, I realised how much I actually missed that overpopulated pit of a metropolis. And I made the mistake/great decision to train at a JiuJitsu/MMA/other martial arts gym there. And... I just clicked with some of the people. I mean, MMA Team 300 is family, nothing is ever going to change that, MMA Team 300 has been the only reason I've been hesitating with this decision to be honest. And now I know, if I go back to Berlin, there's people who would welcome me with open arms into their midst.
So, I'm probably headed back to Berlin in September, thus setting an end to my life as an ex-pat.
But back to my MA-thesis. Well, I went to Berlin to get material and hit the ground running with the writing part of the thesis. Thank goodness I knew exactly which theories and books I wanted to use for my theory part, thanks to my Communication Science studies. So, I got the first presentational version ready in two weeks. The result was not as great and world-changing as I would have wanted it to be, but tough luck, I should have started earlier - months earlier. And from there on out I spent every single minute of my spare time either writing or thinking through problems I'd encountered. Twelve weeks of work went into my MA-thesis, the better part of spring. But. I wouldn't be me if I did not do something stupid to make life just this little bit harder on me now, would I? First, I decided to take a road trip through Romania this year or the next (peering at my financial situation, it'll be next year) and for that - of course - someone like me who taught themselves basic Italian for a week-long trip to Rosetto, has to be fluent in conversational Romanian. So, I took up a totally unnecessary Romanian course at uni. Because I wanted to. It just meant a whole lot of work more than actually necessary. Second, flicking through the study guide, my eyes also fell upon a literature course in our English department (I already had done five literary courses on the master level, so it was absolutely unnecessary to go for another one) and thus I was doing even more work for a class called "Psychoanalysis and Literature", which was the most gruesome tour de force and the most interesting course I've ever done. I found out a lot about myself during those long hours reading through Freud, Lacan and other theories, ready to lose my mind at any point because some of it went so far over my head it was almost painful to make myself understand it, but on the other hand incredibly enthusiastic anytime I found out something about the way my mind works. And third: I started actually training in our competitors' group and logged even more time doing MMA preparing for my first fight in March. Then April. Then May. But that's a whole other story and has to be told another day. But bottom line is: there's a reason most people choose to do their MA-thesis far from any other studies and concentrate wholly on writing. But I have never been most people and common sense has always been a thing I've liked laughing at in the rear-view mirror.
In the end, I made it. I even finished a week before the deadest deadline. And here we are again. I got time on my hands. This year's summer job seems to be pretty easy-going, predictable and I don't have to be anybody's boss. For the first time in my work life, I don't have to spend my summer glued to a work phone, worrying about shift lists and paycheck gone wrong or people calling in sick. All I have to do is show up. Do my work. Go home. I could get used to this. Everyday life, they call it. :)

But what's ahead blog-wise?

Well, I've been fighting with a light eating disorder (I'm even hesitant to call it that, but...face the music and dance) and body image issues for quite some time now and it really reared its head when I started to think about competing in Grappling/JiuJitsu and MMA competitions (weight-class sports are great breeding ground when you're already an easy victim). It's not that serious, but I have to be aware of it and not slip back into these kinds of behaviours. I'd like to write a post or two on that and how it relates to sports/fitness.
I still love working out and I'll be writing on that, too.
I have been preparing to compete in MMA (oh, what a rocky road it has been and I'm not talking about the cookies), that's worth a post. And I actually have been competing in grappling competitions. Also worth a post.
Pain and sports/fitness. It is an issue. Ignoring injuries, playing them down, making light of them and sports. Also an issue. An issue I know far too well.
Nutrition. I love to eat. I love to cook. I made the perfect protein pancake last week. Have to tell you about that, too.
And... one of my older passions that has come back with a vengeance now that I have time; books and movies!!! I've read four books within the last seven days (one of them over 600 pages, another one more than 90 chapters). And... since this blog is called welcome to my life and not some kind of training blog per se, you'll have to suffer through those posts as well.
Oh, and I got a new tattoo. Only a little one...

And this is where I leave you for today, my friends. Have a great one xX

Instagram + food = obsession

Has anyone else had to deal with this? I joined instagram about a year ago and I didn't really use it for a while. And then, all of a sudden, it happened: I started taking pictures of my food and I started following people who took pictures of their food and now I am addicted to instagram. I myself am posting about one food post per day (!!!) and I like 4-6 food posts of others per day.
On the plus side: I have been getting so much inspiration food-wise, it got me to try out stuff, I would have never tried out without instagram and somehow it feels good when about ten people like your breakfast :D

But now seriously; it probably is really annoying for people who are not interested in food or healthy living, etc., but I believe there are some positive sides to instagramming food:
1. you get inspired to use new food or to use food you have at home in new ways
2. it looks delicious
3. you can get a lot of information about other people's way of life and eating. I am following several people who are following a mostly or completely vegan diet and I got interested in it as well and this spring and summer has been seeing me dabbling with a vegan way of life. I could not go completely vegan, but more about that in another post.
4. if you are posting your own food, you become more conscious of what you're actually eating. Not just what kind of food you are eating, but I'm talking living-in-the-moment-wise: You prepare your food, you take a pretty picture of it instead of just stuffing your face as fast as you can, you see the picture, you say sth about it, you post your picture and by then, you really realised what delicacy you are about to eat and you savour it a little more. And afterwards you can look at it and know: wow, that was really good. It makes you more aware of the process of preparing and eating food. Which is - nowadays - something that can get lost during the hurry of everyday life. Enjoy your food! :)

This is the kind of stuff that goes onto my insta these days. @viviane786

What's Love Got to Do With It - Body Combat 60

Well, just about everything, if you ask me. I don't think I'd be able to drag myself to the gym or to MMA training if I did not love the feeling. And I'm not only talking about the feeling afterwards, but I'm also talking about the feeling you have while working out. The burning in your quads when you're doing the last reps of a squat track, the burning in your lungs when you're going as fast or hard as you can, or the moment you realise that you are able to do something better now than a few weeks ago. There's just so many things in sports and fitness that make it fun and enjoyable that I seriously cannot understand how there are people who don't like it or even worse have never even tried it.

But back to why I wanted to write in the first place: Yesterday I managed to try out the new Body Combat 60, and well, I did not love it right away like the last release. Sometimes the tracks just felt, I don't know, too short. Just when you get the hang of it and really want to go at it, the track is already over. But this is something that will probably get better as soon as I don't have to think about the choreo anymore. The music was okay. And that was another factor why I did not feel as blown away as I felt during earlier releases. Hit Me With Your Best Shot was kind of cool and took it away from the start, but... I never really liked Roar and it did not help that it has been overused in other group fitness classes, so that was a downer. The combat and power tracks were pretty basic, no big surprises there, but track number 6 was fun. A little karate in track 6 again and back kicks. I kind of miss the old back kick heavy sixes. Still, up until then, I wasn't really exhausted (maybe because of the aforementioned problem), BUT: I loved, loved, loved the Muay Thai track. Which has not always been a given during the last two years, but this releases number 7 is great, exhausting and really takes you to the edge. Oh, and your abs are going to thank you, too. Especially during the toning track :D Yesterday I actually achieved muscle failure during the last few reps of toning. Nothing that happens everyday.
So, Body Combat 60 is a solid, pretty basic release using mostly basic moves (except for the stance switch, even though this, too has been seen in earlier releases, and the superman punch) and probably pretty good for newbies as you can hone your upper cut technique and perfect your hooks. A long set of roundhouse kicks in the warm up lets you work on this technique, too. If you have been waiting for a good release to start your Body Combat career with, take the chance and stay with the fight, it's only getting better from here :)

Busy as a bee, Body Pump 90 and new goals

The Past - busy body at work

It's been three months since I last posted here. But I have achieved quite a lot in the real world in this time. First of all, I had to write, rewrite, edit and defend my BA-thesis and write the last exams and fill in application forms etc. to get my degree before everyone at my uni leaves for their summer vacation. Now I'm officially a Bachelor of Arts in German language and culture, literary studies to be exact.
I also trained and prepared for my first wrestling match, making weight (dropped my weight from 68 to 60kg to get into the lower weight class), learning new techniques and getting into the right mindset. Just to hear - a week before the competition - that I am not allowed to take part in the tournament, because it was the Finnish Championships and even though I've been living in Finland for the past 6 years and got the citizenship application process going, I was not granted permission to compete. I get it, because where do you draw the line if you allow exceptions to the rule, but... I was a little disappointed and demotivated by the whole thing, so I kept a low profile in MMA during the last few months. and well, yeah, thanks to the stress on the university side, my time was a little limited and I got two bad colds as soon as the stress started to fade away.

The Present - Body Pump 90 and its after effects

I just returned from my vacation trip to Germany last night (literally, I arrived back home at 3:45am), took a nap and then I was off to my gym. I had missed it. Had a great Body Pump class with a budy from my MMA Team, as I had promised her before, and holy moly my muscles are already sore. Even though Body Pump 90 was scheduled to be started on Monday, she already put us through the whole shebang, and whoa, I like this release. The warm-up is a little meh, but leg track number one aka "squat till you drop" was not fun, fun would definitely be the wrong word to describe it, but after the first set, I already felt my quads and the backs of my thighs...and my bum getting sore. The chest track was kind of nice, until we were introduced to the nasty little surprise of dropping your barbell halfway down, hold, drop all the way down, hold, push halfway up, hold, slowly push up the rest of the way. It hurt. It hurt bad, but what do they always say? Pain is where progress happens? The back track was pretty basic, pretty similar to the one in the last release. And then triceps. French bench presses and lying triceps press. It was not that it was bad, it's just that are few things I hate more than french bench presses. And as a surprise at the end, there were dips. I like dips. They are hard, they hurt and they bring progress. Oh, talking about things I hate more than french bench presses: biceps curls. And the biceps track this time was... surprisingly fun. I overestimated my strength and had to change my weights 3/4 through the track, but now my arms are comfortably weak. Then lunges, pretty basic. But the shoulder track, even though basic, was hard. I loved it. It hooks in with one of my goals, so, I really loved it. Abs and Cool Down were sit ups and the basic Les Mills stretching routine, so yeah, a nice release they got there. Enjoyed it, recommend it.

The Future - new goals ahead

It's June already. So, not much I can do about that summer body any more, but I have to admit, thanks to dropping my weight to 60kg, I realised that I don't really like myself in 60kg, so I tried to gain 2-3kg back. With the result that I'm super confident with my body. Sure, there are areas, I'd like to improve, but all in all I like my body. Actually, I love it for what kind of stuff I am able to throw at it and it just performs. And rather nicely at that. So, what do I want to do? Well, when I was in Berlin, we went to see "X-Men: Days of Future Past" and I could not help myself, but admire Wolverine's (Hugh Jackman's) chiseled and defined shoulders. I want shoulders like that. Not that massive, but the female version of it; defined shoulder muscles where you can actually see the different muscles work whilst working. So, a little "bulking" up in that department. My arms in general could be more defined. So, that's what I'll be doing for the next 11 weeks.
I'll also get back to MMA as often as possible, because I'd love to compete in an MMA competition in autumn.
Oh, and I want to write into this blog more often. Maybe about other stuff than just workout and lifestyle and eating, even though I have a few subjects I could write about in those fields, too (I've been dropping serious weight with the 5:2-diet, I've been dabbling with vegan nutrition and I've revised a training program for my roommate, so, lots to tell on this side of life, too). But for now, I have to go to bed. Got an early wake-up call tomorrow. Good night!

New year, new challenges

I'm not one to make new year's resolutions, but I think I'll try to live according to this quote. Hard work is what's ahead of me anyway, having to write my BA-thesis, a few finals and conquer some MMA ground techniques. Or well, all of them if I'm being honest. It's not that I didn't develop at all, but let's just say I don't suck as hard as I did when I started, but I still have a LOOOOOONG way to go. But I will do it. Just like I did everything else until now. 

Anyway, 2013 came and went and here we are a year after I made that pact with myself that I will get moving and live a healthier lifestyle. So, what did change? 

I drank alcohol on 9 evenings this past year. Two of them were like full-on drunk evenings, the rest was like having a glass of wine, cider or something else I drank for the taste. But I reduced my alcohol intake drasticly. And let me tell you, I didn't miss a thing. The only annoying side to this is the fact that most people just don't get it and ask you why you're not drinking. Over and over again. And mostly they don't understand when you tell them you just don't want to or don't feel like it. 

I became a morning person. And it wasn't even hard. During the winter it was a little challenging at times, but knowing that you will be feeling much more awake when you go for that 30min run than when you just lie there another 45min helps a lot. During the summer I was mostly up at around 5 or 5:30 and went to the gym or for a run before going to work. And even now, during the busiest time of the year, I managed to get up at 6:30 the latest on 4-5 days a week to get a morning training done. Admitted, the MMA HIIT -class, which is pretty personal with 3-4 participants, helped a lot. It's just something else when you feel like someone is going to notice when you skip training.

I started the first part of my lifestyle change eating-wise. I cut white pasta, bread and rice, candy, convenience food and fast food from my diet. There were a few days where I craved something like pizza or a burger, then I had them, but mostly I stuck to veggies, good carbohydrates like quinoa, beans, oat bran (I love oat bran "pudding", and if it had to be whole-wheat pasta and Finnish Rye bread, fish, meat and good fats. And enough fat. 

I ran a half marathon without training. Probably the stupidest thing I've ever done, seeing that I never even ran 21k at once before. But...I ran under 2hrs. which is supposedly quite good. 

I made my dream of training MMA come true. This is maybe the most important part of them all. Nothing can motivate you like complete enthusiasm for a sport. I love everything about it and I got to know so many great people through it. 

I just started doing stuff and seizing opportunities left and right. So, now I'm not only happier because I let things sit for a while to worry me, no, I was also voted into the Student Representative Council (and into a Finnish party's student organization's board, even though I didn't exactly run for it). Not quite sure how this is going to turn out, but it's experience and experience is good. 

Oh, and I lost 6kg and two dress sizes for good. Even though I gained muscle and muscle weighs more than fat. People tell me I'm slender these days. Strange feeling after I've been chubby for so long. 

So, what's left for 2014? 

Getting my monetary affairs in order. Do I need to say anything about this? Being a student with little money makes you desperate. But I'm gonna plan my finances better.

The second part of my lifestyle change eating-wise. Cutting everything (as far as possible on a student budget) with added sugar and other unhealthy/unnecessary additives. 

Maybe compete in a low-key MMA or submission wrestling tournament. Maybe. If my trainers give me the go. After I got the basics down. Nothing too crazy. I'm not totally mindless about this thing even though there have been a few people asking me when I will be competing for the first time. 

Oh, and well, I made a before-after-picture, it's quality sucks, but maybe one can see some of the results of 2013. And hopefully there will be even better results by 2015. :D